It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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