he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
