dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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