i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
