I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
