i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hippo gnu deer
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
