Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
