how can u be prego again
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
