Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize