The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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