low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
