I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
