When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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