Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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