i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
