Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
