I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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