Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
