so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just had sex bonerless
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
