im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You ruined the universe
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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