dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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