Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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