There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
