I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
