Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
