My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
