the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
