planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
