Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
