I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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