D3 body, D1 cock
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
