Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
