the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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