So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
