i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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