During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
