You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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