my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
