I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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