So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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