I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
