she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
