you're like a bully in the Christmas story
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
