I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So vagazzling was a success
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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