My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
