dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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