This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize