you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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