yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
