I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
