i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
