So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
