There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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