someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
