Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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