my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Two words: blizzard sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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