Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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