I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize