Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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