I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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