2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Me too!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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