He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
