then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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