Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
