It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
