I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
