you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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