Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
