U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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