Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
