I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
