I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You need Xanax blowdarts
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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