the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
