All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
