Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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