I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
