I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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