O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
