there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
