whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
