i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
