Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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