My friends, they love my intelligence
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
