why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
