you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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